smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
