just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
