your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I AM VODKA MAN
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
