Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
