He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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