North Korea, Best Korea!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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