for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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