Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
