Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
