you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
