i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
