i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
