what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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