She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
