Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
