they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
