I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
