porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
