I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
