i think my tv is drunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
