the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
