Sry I called you an 8
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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