she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
