if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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