We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
