Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
