I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
