She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
