And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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