girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
