your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He shit in the fireplace
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
