I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
