Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
