maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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