be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
