So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
