I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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