Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
