I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
