I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they're like a gay fantastic four
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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