god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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