Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
