So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
