you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
