hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
