so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
