i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
