thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
