I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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