He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
